Unless you live under a rock you have no doubt seen the cover of Time magazine with the 3 year old boy nursing. The picture is obviously staged to invoke controversy and sell multiple copies. While some people have trained their eyes on the picture, I was consumed by the headline. "Are You Mom Enough?" I will go on record stating that I have not read the article but I have a pretty good idea what it says. I've seen the mom on The Today Show and I've heard her story about why she continues to breastfeed her son. And honestly - I don't care. I guess I do have a personal time limit where I start to think 'Yeah...uh...that's getting weird...' but 3 years old isn't it. Not that I ever signed up for it myself too far beyond the first year but I don't care what anybody else does. My problem is with the title.
Are you mom enough to be an extreme breastfeeder? Are you mom enough to be a follower of attachment parenting? Are you mom enough to stand on the cover of Time magazine with half a boob hanging out? Whatever they want you to be mom enough for - I don't like it. And since it's a piece on attachment parenting and breastfeeding I'm not exactly thrilled with the cut to those that don't breastfeed or actually put their baby in a crib every once in a while.
Here's where I stand on parenting - FOR ME - I have three girls and I breastfed each of them for a little over a year each. The middle one actually breastfed longer because I turned up pregnant before her first birthday and I lacked the patience or energy to 'unboob' her. I suppose you could call me 'attachment parenting lite'. I fed on demand. I watched the baby, not the clock. I put my newborns in a cradle right by the side of my bed so I could either feed or soothe throughout the night. I used a sling, but I also used a stroller. I made dinner with a baby on my hip, but I also had no problem in putting my 9 month old in her highchair and letting her chase Cheerios around her tray for a while. I had one baby who willingly took a bottle of heated breast milk, one who vehemently denied the arms of anyone who wasn't me (and thus a bottle or a pacifier for that matter), and one who actually accepted bottles of formula when I couldn't produce a bottle of breast milk for her when I decided I wanted to take a quilting class. All three of my babies took naps in my lap because their infancy coincided with a new release of a Harry Potter book -and letting them nap on my chest allowed me to read longer.
To be honest - attachment parenting allowed me to be my lazy self. I never got up at 3 a.m. to heat up a bottle, I never stumbled across the house to my baby's room to feed them in the middle of the night, and I never sat around listening to my 2 month old cry because I was trying to 'train' them. Because I read every book Dr. Sears put out I know what his methods are. I also know that it's not one size fits all. And because babies are not one size fits all his methods made sense. He told us that what works with one baby doesn't work with another. He gave us the permission to find out who we are as a parent and who our babies are - because as a parent to many children he knows they aren't all the same. He taught me to listen to my child.
When my 2nd daughter was 4 months old she wasn't acting right...didn't look right....wasn't right. There was no fever. There was no decline in breastfeeding. She just 'wasn't right'. I took her to the doctor and my only complaint was 'she isn't right'. It turned out she had a double ear infection. Most babies stop feeding when they have ear infections because the sucking motion causes pressure and pain in their ears. My baby breastfed MORE because it was a source of comfort. I used what Dr. Sears taught me - watch the baby, trust your instincts.
Where there is one side of extreme parenting, there is always another. The 'other side' is often referred to as Ferberizing. In my parenting youth I read the Ferber method. I even attempted the Ferber method, and to this day I am thankful that I didn't continue down that road. My oldest child, from birth, has been a challenge. My thinking is if something is a challenge from birth it's not a nurture issue, but a nature issue. This is after 11 years of enduring this child and 2 years of therapy to handle her Asperger'y tendencies. What it taught me is ... Sears is right. Listen to the baby. Listen to the child. Listen. At 1 month...at 2 months...at 2 years... at 12 years...at 22 years...LISTEN.
Your bedtime problems are not going to be resolved by some hideous plan to force your child into compliance. I know this was a famous tactic during Victorian times but those people were brought up to be hard, cold humans. And as much as I really want to meet and fall in love with a vampire...that's not the hard and cold I'm talking about. I'm talking about letting a baby...and infant...scream until they vomit. Scream until they realize they're all alone and they have to self-sooth to sleep. Is that why you had a baby? Is that why you had kids? To emotionally beat them into submission so they comply with your rules?
Alright so the beer has gotten the best of me and I seem to have missed the point. The thing that irritated me about Time is the title. Are you mom enough. Are you mom enough to what? Are you mom enough to raise a child, because at the end that is what it's all about. As happy as I am to embrace aspect of attachment parenting, I am NOT mom enough to breastfeed a 3 year old. Why? Because that has never been an issue for me. Maybe I am mom enough for it. But why pit moms against moms? Isn't parenting hard enough? Aren't we all exhausted, no matter how we've raised our babies? Aren't we all tired whether we rolled over and shoved a boob in our baby's mouth or nuked a bottle of formula at 2 a.m.? We're all under the same microscope. Did you do enough? Did you mother properly? Are you mom enough?
I am. I'm mom enough. I'm mom enough to bandage a knee scrape. I'm mom enough to get homework done. I'm mom enough to make an attempt at healthy eating. I'm mom enough to manage multiple after-school activities. I'm mom enough to pull off awesome birthday parties. I'm mom enough to welcome a scared child into my bed in the middle of the night. I'm mom enough to make sure my kids know I love them beyond all reason. I'm mom enough to have three little girls call me "mommy". I'm mom enough to have a personal life that doesn't include my children. I am mom enough.
I AM MOM ENOUGH
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